are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
