The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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