How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
