How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
