Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
