if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
