this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
