if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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