Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
