how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
