I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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