if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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