Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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