I smell stomach acid.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
