and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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