remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
