turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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