You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
