He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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