It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
