I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
