She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
