yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
