i would punch a child for taco bell
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
