thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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