I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
