The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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