I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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