nut hugger
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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