My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
