Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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