1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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