Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
