Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
