i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
