What a fucking waste of an outfit
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
