dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
