Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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