where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
