Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
