Your face is a jimmy john
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
