u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
