If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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