y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
