You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
