I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
