Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
