apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
