I'll bet she douches with gravy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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