I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
